Friday, December 20, 2002



So here's my idea... for those who may be lacking something in their love life...

not getting enough bang from your buck? Surrogate Sex Partner.
partner too tired, has serial headaches? Surrogate Sex Partner.
partner not quite into the kinkier things that you might be into? Surrogate Sex Partner.

For your every sexual need, without the muss and fuss of an actual relationship. Some people might call these "whores" and "prostitute", but these partners DON'T GET PAID. They're there because they wanna be. And the best part is, after they've done their thing: THEY GO HOME. Say goodbye to fights, say goodbye to disinterest. With Surrogate Sex Partner you can trade in for a newer model and no one's feelings are hurt. It's not cheating if your partner's cool with it.

Surrogate Sex not for you? Need the guilt and blame instead?

All the hell of a bad relationship ANY time you want it.
partner not placing enough of the blame on you? Surrogate Seething Bitch
partner not fighting enough for your satisfaction? Surrogate Seething Bitch
partner not jealous when you flirt with others? Surrogate Seething Bitch
Surrogate Seething Bitch comes in male and female models and is guranteed to piss you off or your money back!

Still not enough? Need something more?

All the psychosis and stalking with only half the relationship!
for those nights when your partner just isn't scaring you enough... Surrogate Psycho is the answer!
partner not insanely jealous of your every friend? Surrogate Psycho
partner not crazy enough? Surrogate Psycho
partner not stalking you? Surrogate Psycho
partner not trying to burn down your house? Surrogate Psycho
want a dangerous one-night stand? Surrogate Psycho

Our Surrogate Psychos are raised on the finest drugs and alcohol, then watered with high lead content and mind altering drugs. When they reach early maturity we set them free under high-power lines with no adult surpervision, guidelines of society, or knowledge of right and wrong. Surrogate Psychos come in male and female, and are acquainted with every loophole the law will allow, so that we can guarantee that you will either need a restraining order, be slapped with a restraining order for something you didn't do, or your money back!

Oh yeah.. .and by the way, in case there's any Darwin candidates reading this: it's fake. I made it allllll up. There are no Surrogate People. So there. You'll just have to make due with the singles scene.